The Jew and the Gujju

The boss is Jew and I am a Gujju. For the Imbeciles - Gujju is short for Gujarati which means my ancestors were from the dhokla and patra eating state of Gujarat! I am not! I was born and raised in Bombay! But Gujjuness runs in my veins...I love money...LOVE IT. I am business minded...in almost everything I do...and I always know a good bargain when its around...Sounds like the characteristic of a Jew? Hell yeah! O and I love dhoklas(steamed) and patras (baked not fried).

So we were at an offsite meeting at an office facing the gorgeous Bay Bridge by the Embarcadero and seeing the boss in action I was like "OMG if I were straight I'd be all over her!" She was so much in control! Demanding but not annoying, to the point and weighing the cost versus the benefits as the imbecile vendors spoke gibberish (they didnt - but they might as well have because She heard only what She wanted to hear and what was relevant). That reminded me so much of all the gujju businessmen that I have encountered! I wonder if I am like that at all! I so want to be like that. I do, I do!

So it was just the two of us at this meeting the Jew and the Gujju making the vendors so nervous (they did a good job - and if I tell you what they were paid you would move to the US and attempt to do their job - i.e. if you dont already live here and you dont already do something they do). I tried to look my sternest best! (As stern as I could look in a sexy tight ZARA suit, Restoration Hardware citronelle moisturiser and Cherry Chapstick on my pouting lips!) I hope that worked.

Anyway she was happy with my inputs (remember she is really direct - if she wasnt happy she would have told me and the shiny chapstick would have faded). Phew! And it was pride weekend in san francisco! Yippity Yip! What FUN!!! So many Indian Ranis (Queens) who thought they were Maharanis (Empresses) Tut-Tut... I'll leave you with some pictures to drool over....

Gayest Saturday Ever?

So,

rented a sexy black coupe, wore tight yellow A&F tee, drove CA route 1 to San Gregorio nude beach (did not get nude...image issues...) hung around said beach in red speedos...and $250 Ray-Ban sunglasses...drove back to San Francisco (to Castro even!) to catch a movie at the Castro Theater called Tru Loved - a movie about coming out and sexuality issues. It was LGBT film festival! It is Pride Month! After movie with friends went into a store in the Castro and found that elusive pair of jeans. Went home and showered and went to Powerhouse. A leather daddy place filled with leather daddies (duh!) and a good smattering of cute boys and twinks...and the place has a very active backroom. Powerhouse=sexually charged gay bar. Saw a Euro twink get almost naked, stand up on a bench in the backroom and jerk off and cum while the other near naked guys jeered and cheered. Made out with cutie I had been eyeing all night! Went home and slept! Gayest Saturday Ever?! HELL YEAH!

Followed by nicest Sunday - with ivy league fellow interns-
Trip to Muir Woods. Giant Redwood trees. Quiet. Peaceful. Sounds of nature abound - birds chirping, creek flowing, wind blowing. Enough said!


This tree had a phallic protrusion.... wonder what it looks like...I just can't seem to figure it out!


Kind of what I felt like...at the end of the weekend..Aah!


And here's another one!

That elusive pair of jeans ... and Yum Yum Beckham!

Color, Fit, Stitch, Brand, Wash, Torn or not, and Size! These are some of the words you associate with when buying a pair of jeans. And when you want to factor in all those variables the PERFECT pair always seems to be not available. So after a 3 month hunt I finally landed at the Levis Store in San Francisco and sought help from a Bitch in Black Tights for a perfect pair of 511s which seemed to fit really well in light blue but I wanted them in Ink Blue! Now, I am a waist 28. Fine, I will let the laughter subside. I am a waist 30...ok 31! Happy? HAPPY?!! Now you know how FAT I AM!

So, Bitch in Black was all like oh you want them in 31...are you sure! You look like a 32 to me! Whaaaaaaaa.... IMBECILE! Who the fuckity fuck trained her???? She actually called me FAT! I mean that's what she MEANT! I controlled bringing out my bitch claws and breathed IN and told her that I had tried them in 32 but they were too loose!! She disappeared to look for a pair in 31 and I disappeared from the store! IMBECILE! BITCH! Maybe I over reacted, Maybe she was just trying to be helpful..but am I mad to ask her for a 31? Didn't someone tell her that when a customer asks for a particular size you never want to recommend one size UP!

And the hunt for the perfect pair continues........

As I exited the store and into the chilly SF weather an onto Union Square a warm glow from the looming walls of Macy's made its way into my heart, my skin, my blood...

SIGH! check out all the Art in the foreground...how poetic!...How very SF!

He's coming here...so close! Need I say anything more!? Oh I am so buying those briefs!

And then when I went home Yum got Yummier...

I saw No Reservations. What a wonderful little film. Really predictable but just so sweet and unpretentious even! Not all movies need to have a twist in the tale ...Sometimes even when one knows the end the journey that leads towards can be very interesting and moving... PLUS it's about a chef and a sous chef... and all about exotic food! so YUM YUM... and YUMMIER was Aaron Eckhart along with the gorgeous Catherine Zeta-Jones. Two grossly underrated actors with chemistry that sizzled more than the butter on the skillet in all the French food that they prepared.

I think Aaron Eckhart has so much charm that he can make flowers turn to fruit by just smiling...(If you know anything about plant biology you'll get the drift)...
So much class, so much style. George Clooney is sooo overrated!

Check out this clip from another movie of his titled "Thank you for smoking"...

http://men.style.com/gq/features/video/0418_thank_you_for_smoking

And then now here's more of him to drool to...Enjaaay! Yum Yummy Yummylicious!

FINE FINE Aaron, I'll Stop!

Like Totally, Awesome...Riiight?

This is what defines the title of my blawg. The audio torture that I experienced on the way to work this morning. The semi-torture that I face at work during lunch and sometimes during work! Like Totally! Like Oh-My-God!

This is when I should be actually getting some serious work done. But here I am writing on this blaaawg the only way to release all the pent up frustration!

Here is why -

What is with the abuse of the word "Like". I was quietly sitting in the shuttle bus gathering my thoughts for the start of the work day and weekend..it is a fridaaay! The lady sitting in the seat in front of me could not help but use the word "Like" as one uses the space bar while typing. "So my husband was like we should go to Puccini's for dinner and I was like yeah we should." "Did you go to like the meeting for like the new vendors" I was seriously beginning to not like her at this point. And she was LOUD. "My daughter and I have like this thing where we like do yoga every Saturday morning. The only time to like connect with each other you know?"
She has a daughter?????? And wants to connect with her... I really think her daughter dislikes her. Like really dislikes her. The only reason they probably connect with each other during yoga on a Saturday morning is because she can keep her fucking mouth like shut.

And then there is the sweet little fellow intern, from MIT no less. Seems smart and all...gives first impressions of a preppy girl, and you keep in mind that she goes to MIT, and has this crisp Boston accent...She always sits with her back so erect I fear it will snap someday and we will have to carry her in a stretcher to the emergency room (I don't give a damn about her back, I hate carrying people to the hospital). She always talks with her head tilted slightly to her right and she always has her hair in bangs that I feel are glued to her forehead with industrial strength adhesives and she coos, yes coos.

Now don't get get me wrong, I am all for the proper, pretty look and crisp, articulate manners but when they form a hybrid with suburban artifice is when it like starts grating on my cerebrum....And then you go to lunch with her. It is like (use of the word here is completely valid and justified) a whole new being is created in front of you... she squeals , screeches and screams... "Like Ohmygod, you want to start your own business...that's totally awesome!" And her eyes widen (as wide as an Asians eyes can, yes she is Chinese by origin but born and raised in the US) and she shakes her head in approval but the damn bangs stay put! She stares into the pacific ocean from the ocean view company cafeteria and sighs..."I feel so content with life right now. I have never felt so content in my entire life!" She is 19 yo. And I am completely dissatisfied with mine!

And then we spoke about wind surfing while puppy dawg eyes was driving us home from a late dinner one evening. Unfortunately she was seated right behind me (Every annoying person is always seated either directly in front of or behind me...ARRGH) and got so excited at the mention of wind surfing that she smacked her hands HARD in joy...on my seat...so that it hurt my back...ARRGH IMBECILE! It was her back that was supposed to crack and break NOT MINE!

See what I go through...Now I have to stay an additional 15 minutes in the office to finish my work because I spent it writing in here!

Jodhaa Akbar is all about spirituality..and SEX

On my way home from work today, ipod doing its job of relaxing the mind - until it actually stimulated it...the song "In lamhon ke daman mein" from Jodhaa Akbar with its lilting melody found its way into the random list and into a brain cell... it got me thinking about what the movie was all about...yeah yeah love story and all...but pay attention to the song...the situation the climactic music ...

Kaise yeh ishq hai
Kaisa yeh khwaab hai
Kaise jazbaat ka Umda sailab hai...

HMM jzbaat ka umda sailab...

sailab means flood and/or spear...a pointed tool...hmmmm and sailab means flooded

jazbat means desire...

and umda means to come ... (no really i checked!)

So those three lines basically mean -

How am I so in love?
What kind of dream is this?
How have I come to be flooded with so much desire...

Now we all know what flood is coming...

And then Aishwarya Rai's Lyrics:

Samay ne yeh kya kiya
Badal di hai kaya
Tumhe mene paa liye
Mujhe tumne paya

I'll get directly to the translation this time -
What has time done?
Changed my body!
I have owned you!
You have owned me!

Hmm..Copulation!!!!!

And those are just SOME of the lyrics

An that IS the climactic scene of the movie!

And you only have to listen to the music to see what I mean....

Here is a link to the video with sub titles! Yay!
Pay attention to the subtitles...especially the female lyrics

Jose Happenings!!

SO the guy I am sharing my condo with is really nice...

And now the bitching - I get to bed by midnight so I can at least look awake and pretend to work in my cabin (YES I have my own cabin...yay!). Now Jose, my condomate...(giggle-giggle the things you can do with that word!...yeah it's not a word but I don't share a room with him i share a condo), ...So ANYWAY Jose my condomate..works at night at a call center and sleeps all day! so when he comes home i am fast asleep and he plays Guitar Hero!!!! and shouts loudly on the phone in spanish!

ARRGH ...IMBECILE! I had to confront him and told him to shut up...but I was nice about it..OK i screamed at him...he cowered like a cat being scolded...sweet guy i told you...Speaking of cats...he has two! More of that later.

BUT SPEAKING OF CATS I THOUGHT OF DAWGIES...

Aww the other intern...so cute... trust me he has the best sanjay dutt puppy dawg eyes but larger and the cutest smile....and blond hair...true California boy...I dont know if he is a homsexical or not.. but he lives just a street away from the gay district in san francisco...hmm there is always hope... and a drunken night *evil grin*

So here's another pic..this was actually on hyde street...

Number 1

So, day one at the internship went ok, with a few glitches!
Imbeciles!!! Some of the people that helped me with transport that is...so ill informed ... so much inconvenience. But anyway, the going ons at the orientation covered up for all of that. I met some really cool people and even decided to hang out over the weekend in the bay area with some fellow interns. Yay!
I also learnt that this company was number one (to work for) in the Forbes 100 list! Wowie!!!
Number one! NUMBER ONE! I was impressed, and I saw why on day one itself - when the transportation people screwed up on the information they gave me (I was given incorrect information on how to get back home)....they just put me in a prepaid cab home!
I was seated next to some cool people from Columbia University and University of Wisconsin, Madison...the ivy leaguers were awesome(desi NRIs), weve decided to go biking along the golden gate bridge on some weekend...
The company has friday evening chill time from 5-7 when one can get drinks/food on the house...the are called Ho-Ho s (ivy leaguers and I couldnt stop giggling)...no seriosuly they need a new name.
The boss seems really cool, very professional but fun and hard working. I think she likes me. I'll keep you posted...
Speaking of the golden gate bridge...I went to the Fort Mason park and had lunch there on Sunday...
Here are some piccies:

And here is what went down with one of my friends back in bombay...an irritating chat, lets call her Okra...her name phonetically resembles the hindi word for it...

Okra: hi, whats up!

Me: about to go to bed my internship starts tomorrow

Okra: cool,u already in sf?

Me: No, i am flying in directly to the company… WTF?!

Okra: nice, so thats going to be ur home for the next 3 months?

Me: no.... as i said i am flying in everyday ...in and out of SF…WTF?

Okra: that shud be fun flying in and out evey day :)

Me: of course it is going to be my home for the next 3 months AARRGGH

Okra: hehe!

IMBECILE!!!